John Gottman in his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail provides a number of self-tests to determine various aspects of the marital relationship. One of the most important he includes is a self-test for determining if there is enough love and respect in your marriage. I provide this test here to help couples assess the state of their relationship. Please do not assume this is a definitive assessment. It is just a quick check, nothing more.

Answer "yes" or "no" to each of the following statement, depending on whether you mostly agree or disagree. If your partner is not willing or able to take the test, you can take it for him or her.

1. My spouse seeks out my opinions.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
2. My spouse cares about my feelings.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
3. I don't feel ignored very often.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
4. We touch each other a lot.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
5. We listen to each other.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
6. We respect each other's ideas.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
7. We are affectionate toward one another.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
8. I feel that my partner takes good care of me.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
9. What I say counts.
   You:    Yes     No
   Your Partner:    Yes     No
10. I am important in our decisions.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
11. There's lots of love in our marriage.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
12. We are genuinely interested in one another.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
13. I just love spending time with my partner.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
14. We are very good friends.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
15. Even during rough times, we can be empathic.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
16. My spouse is considerate of my viewpoint.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
17. My spouse finds me physically attractive.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
18. My partner expresses warmth toward me.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
19. I feel included in my partner's life.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No
20. My spouse admires me.
    You:    Yes     No
    Your Partner:    Yes     No