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March 2002
SELF TEST TO EVALUATE THE SEVERITY OF PROBLEMS IN YOUR MARRIAGE
John Gottman, Ph.D. in his book, Why Marriage Succeed or Fail, provides a number of tests for couples to assess various aspects of their marriage. Gottman used these tests to evaluate couples he was studying for his research into marital success and failure. The test below assesses how serious the problems are in a marriage. If you score within the range of severe problems you probably need some outside intervention such as marital therapy to solve them.
Joyce Parker, Ph.D.
HOW SEVERE IS THE PROBLEM?
Circle “yes” or “no” for the following statements:
- My spouse and I have very serious communication problems.
Yes No
- I have very little faith that we are going to be able to resolve our problems.
Yes No
- The problems we have run very deep.
Yes No
- Things have gotten so complex that I’m not sure there is a solution.
Yes No
- Each of our problems has caused us a great deal of pain.
Yes No
- I doubt whether we can reconcile our differences.
Yes No
- It’s going to be very hard for us to ever forgive one another for some of the hurt we have suffered.
Yes No
- There is a great deal of intensity to our problems.
Yes No
- We stand very little chance of ever having really good times together.
Yes No
- There is very little respect in this relationship.
Yes No
- I am not sure that we love each other.
Yes No
- There are “wheels within wheels” to our problems-they are so difficult to solve.
Yes No
- I have a sense of despair about out future together.
Yes No
- Sometimes I feel bitter about how things have gotten between us.
Yes No
- When it comes down to it, I am not sure I have very much hope.
Yes No
Scoring: If you answered “yes” to more than five of these questions, you have a very negative view of your marital difficulties. Most people who score at thus level have unstable marriages that are either hostile/engaged, meaning there is a great deal of negativity but you still interact, or hostile/detached, meaning the hostility has reached such huge proportions that you avoid each other as much as possible. As long as you see your problems as severe, you may be stymied in your attempts to resolve them.
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